Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
