if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
