R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
