No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
