I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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