i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
