Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
