Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
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