oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
