Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
