he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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