we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
