i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
