i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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