I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
