Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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