Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
