i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
