rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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