is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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