i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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