If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Congratulations! We have a period
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