Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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