maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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