It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
