Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
