All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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