I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
3 2 1 whiskey
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize