All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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