There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
