I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
