This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Randomize
