Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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