he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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