making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
