so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
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