I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize