I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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