I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
