the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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