Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
