I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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