Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
