Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
