Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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