I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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