Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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