I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Boobs are out for the taking
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
