yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
