I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
