My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
