For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
