To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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