i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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