Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize