i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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