My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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