I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
