it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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