I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Randomize
