I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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