you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
