Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
