I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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