I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
